Hating Myself

So, i love Mark Watson, the comedian (find him at http://www.markwatsonthecomedian.com/web/blog/) and i have loved him for quite a while. I own 'Crap at the Environment' and have seen him several times at the comedy fest in Melbourne. It delighted me when he announced on twitter (@watsoncomedian ) that he was keeping a more regular blog this year, or rather, for the next ten years.
What i was not expecting was him to actually move me to do something.

He has started his (ours) TYSIC - Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge. Pick something, something probably quite large and work towards that goal over the next ten years. Reading the comments from people i wonder about the ones who write 'fall in love' or 'get married' as their goals, as i see these things that you can't exactly work towards, that meeting the right person just kinda happens and if you decide that something like that is going to happen you might either end up totally upset that it doesn't or with someone who is just-about-right. But that's an issue for a different day.

I decided to set some goals. Namely, coz i love goals. I picked my uni course/clearly in ENTER at the end of year 10 purely for a goal to aim for. I aimed for a D average at Uni and worked towards that, and i'm now hoping to be in Careers guidance in ten years. But that's not actually one of my goals. Namely, because it's work, and i'm good at work and that's actually a part of my life that is really sorted and really in control.
It's not something that needs work.

I need work.
Who i am needs work.

So i commented on Marks page that my TYSIC is to "hate myself less." That's my goal, hating less. Coz i do, sometimes unfairly and a number of people who love and care for me would say that it's always unfairly.
It's not just my physical appearance that i hate (well, actually, sometimes i really like myself from like, boobs up [but only when i'm wearing a bra]) it's parts of who i am that i don't like all the time either.
Physical is easier to deal with, easier to fix, or at least work towards being more accepting with. I can't accept a compliment. Just can't. Last night the BF said something about me being pretty and internally, whenever something like this happens, i always reply to myself with "but you have to say that" when in all honesty, he doesn't have to say that, and he probably does find me attractive, and other people probably do too.
So my steps to making myself happier about me have already started. I'm eating better and using the C25K ap to get my fitness up, and it's working. I am feeling better about my fitness and i think it turn that may make me feel better about the rest of me. I hate parts of my body, and if my past weightloss is anything to go by, the bits i massively aren't going to change, so i'm just hoping to like myself a bit better.

Mel's Beef #1 13/02/10 - Women and Men's hair and cars

Ok, so what the hell is with some women's obsession with what car their boyfriend/husband/life partner/prospective life partner drives? Or more specifically, how can women, smart women, legitimately link what kind of car a man drives to how masculine a man is?

This whole notion of how what car a man drives must be representative of how manly a man is has come to light more harshly over the last couple of weeks and has really started to annoy me, as I don't get it and have several pieces of evidence to suggest that it's not really a sign of masculinity and more a sign of douche-ness.

I'll begin with a story. There was a guy at work who drove a Mazda 6 and was continually slammed by two people there (a guy and a girl) for it being a "girly car". It was a silver Mazda, not a pink VW Beetle. Sure, it didn't have Mags, or turbos or a "wicked" sound system, but it was a good practical car. These same people have discouraged other male colleagues from buying focus' and fiestas as they are "girly" and even scoffed when i mentioned my boyfriend drives a fiesta.

I just wonder where this notion of masculinity comes from. At what point did we start associating masculinity with large cars? Because it certainly didn't come from Europe, where there isn't a room to drive anything large, and Mazda 6 is considered massive.
So it must come from us.

You might ask where my car knowledge comes from, and i'll be honest and say that it extends to Top Gear. But, in all honesty, i think it shouldn't matter how knowledgable i am about cars, because how big a role is his car going to play in my relationship with him? And if i am going to start judging a man by what car he drives, how superficial can i be?
I'd be more inclined to think that if he is spending all his money on a large, fuel-inefficient turbo that requires him to spend more time maintaining the car than spending time with me then i'd actually prefer not to date him at all. When i was online dating, this was actually something that i specified, that you don't mention your car coz i don't care.
I just wonder where the association comes from. What else do we associate with masculinity? Home-handiness? Muscles? Working in a job that requires him to use his hands?
And what is femininity? flowers? the colour pink? Babies?
Why is a car some kind of indicator about masculinity/femininity? and it really comes down to the size of the car and the power it packs. From what i can gather, anything with three doors is automatically girly, anything that is lowered and has turbo's automatically makes it masculine..
Quite frankly, i look at the latter and think "you tool, you could be spending your money on something so much more worth while"

Isn't it a little harsh that he comes to pick you up on the first date that he immediately loses points because he's thought about fuel economy and the environment and his current financial position and bought a corolla instead of a WRX? Aren't the qualities that mean he picked a reliable car, over an expensive flashy one going to play more of a role in your relationship?


Or is me making judgements for guys who drive "girly" cars the same as making judgements against it? I'm open to comments....


I think a greater point to make is not to make that snap judgement at all because the car he drives is probably not a very good indication of what kind of person he is...

...Just like how much hair he has isn't an issue...

So this is part two of women’s judgemental attitudes that have gotten my goat this week, Hair.

So i met my boyfriend at Sound Relief last year. He's amazing and i love him to bits.
He also has alopecia. No hair, at all (pretty much. not where you can see it anyway). No Eyebrows, no eyelashes, nothing.
And you know what? I didn't even notice. It took him pointing it out in conversation for me to even realise, and when I did I didn’t bother (yeah, I know, go me). What I did start to notice that whenever I spoke to female friends about him it was the first question that I was asked: “what colour hair does he have” and the pity “oh” when I mentioned that he didn’t have any was amazing. It was like I said that he didn’t have a home! It’s just hair! It doesn’t matter! It just means he takes shorter showers!
Can you imagine if the tables were turned and guys were so open about hair-judgement as girls are? How many times have you over-heard girls dismissing a guy because of his lack of hair? or the fact that it's red??? It makes me mental.


When girls make these snap judgements it makes me want to take away their dating licences till they've grown up.
Till they've realised that what car he drives and how much hair he has isn't really going to play a role in your relationship with him.
Is he nice? Does he make you feel wonderful? Is he a kind person? Wait, you don’t know those things do you because you tuned out and ignored him when he mentioned that he put his Mazda 3 in for a service yesterday.