Hating Myself

So, i love Mark Watson, the comedian (find him at http://www.markwatsonthecomedian.com/web/blog/) and i have loved him for quite a while. I own 'Crap at the Environment' and have seen him several times at the comedy fest in Melbourne. It delighted me when he announced on twitter (@watsoncomedian ) that he was keeping a more regular blog this year, or rather, for the next ten years.
What i was not expecting was him to actually move me to do something.

He has started his (ours) TYSIC - Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge. Pick something, something probably quite large and work towards that goal over the next ten years. Reading the comments from people i wonder about the ones who write 'fall in love' or 'get married' as their goals, as i see these things that you can't exactly work towards, that meeting the right person just kinda happens and if you decide that something like that is going to happen you might either end up totally upset that it doesn't or with someone who is just-about-right. But that's an issue for a different day.

I decided to set some goals. Namely, coz i love goals. I picked my uni course/clearly in ENTER at the end of year 10 purely for a goal to aim for. I aimed for a D average at Uni and worked towards that, and i'm now hoping to be in Careers guidance in ten years. But that's not actually one of my goals. Namely, because it's work, and i'm good at work and that's actually a part of my life that is really sorted and really in control.
It's not something that needs work.

I need work.
Who i am needs work.

So i commented on Marks page that my TYSIC is to "hate myself less." That's my goal, hating less. Coz i do, sometimes unfairly and a number of people who love and care for me would say that it's always unfairly.
It's not just my physical appearance that i hate (well, actually, sometimes i really like myself from like, boobs up [but only when i'm wearing a bra]) it's parts of who i am that i don't like all the time either.
Physical is easier to deal with, easier to fix, or at least work towards being more accepting with. I can't accept a compliment. Just can't. Last night the BF said something about me being pretty and internally, whenever something like this happens, i always reply to myself with "but you have to say that" when in all honesty, he doesn't have to say that, and he probably does find me attractive, and other people probably do too.
So my steps to making myself happier about me have already started. I'm eating better and using the C25K ap to get my fitness up, and it's working. I am feeling better about my fitness and i think it turn that may make me feel better about the rest of me. I hate parts of my body, and if my past weightloss is anything to go by, the bits i massively aren't going to change, so i'm just hoping to like myself a bit better.